Shoes!

Normally, when you see someone walking down the street, limping, you assume that they are injured. A ski accident? Overexerting themselves in yoga? Maybe an old soccer injury flaring up? Yeah, not me. At least not this morning.

Ahh yes, for about 6 hours, I as one of *those* women. You know who I’m talking about. You know you’ve looked her up and down and thought to yourself – why would anyone put themselves through that? And more importantly, why would you wear those shoes if you can’t even walk in them? Because, let’s face it, while the look you were going for was more of the tall and slender and cute thing, what you really look like is a linebacker waddling down the street! Because despite that cute top, the silky skirt, the LV bag and your perfect hair and makeup, the fact that your legs are shaking as you teeter on your heels or the fact that you can barely shuffle your feet forward kind of ruins the effect!

Now, let’s get the facts straight, I can walk in heels. In fact, I’ve been known to run in said heels (across a street or to catch a train – not the marathon kind) or dance the night away without problems. But today, for a mere 6 hours, I became that woman. This morning, I decided that since I was wearing all black, I should dress it up with colorful tights. All in all, a great idea, except that this meant wearing black shoes: a scarcity in my closet, surprisingly. It all came down to two pairs: A pair of nine west shoes, which despite their 1.5 inch heel, are uncomfortable, and a pair of BCBG shoes that I bought in New York when I was there celebrating my 25th birthday because, simply, I had fallen in love with them. The BCBG shoes won based on the fact that I hadn’t worn them in a long time.

I easily made it to my car and drove over to BART, and as I took my first steps in my beautiful shoes, I immediately remembered why I had worn them so seldomly in the years that I’ve owned them: they were a size too big and mighty uncomfortable. So uncomfortable in fact, that after the first few steps, I debated getting in my car and driving back home to change, only to realize that there would be no parking if I did this, so I battled on. As I walked to BART, I assumed that everyone must be staring at me, because, well – if I were them, I’d stare too! Come on, a girl, trying to look cute, but barely able to take a step? Yeah, come on, it’s funny!
I honestly felt like I was hobbling, and then a light went off in my head! I could fake an injury! Yes, that’s why I was hobbling (should anyone ask), it’s because I hurt myself in yoga last night. Why didn’t I wear flats then? Simple, I don’t own any. Sneakers? Umm… I.. Stop badgering me with these silly and completely rational questions!

So I had my cover story, and should I fall randomly around the office or on my way to lunch, I could scream, for all those judgy people to hear, that I was injured!
By the time it came to lunch though, I couldn’t do it anymore. By the time I was half way to my favorite lunch place (which, by the way, is an entire block away), I was in such pain that I decided to walk an extra (painful) half a block and buy some new shoes. Yes, you heard right, I bought a new pair of shoes. In fact, not only did I buy a new pair, I wore them out of the store! As I sauntered over to my falafel place, I was so ecstatic to have a pair of shoes that fit, that I was doing (what felt like) the assertive model walk. I thought of the many ways that I could throw these awful, uncomfortable, yet pretty, shoes out, but then I just put them in the bag and figured I’d take them home, because, afterall, they are too pretty to throw out and hold dear memories of my 25th bday.

In other words, in a years time, when all memories of this awful and painful morning have faded from my brain, tune in to part 2 as I make the hobble of pain over to yet another shoe store to repeat this lovely experience 