Suburban Adventures

Today I got to see something I’d only heard rumors about, something that I was sure didn’t really exist, except maybe on Black Friday. But alas, there I was standing in line to get into Costco right with the opening bell at 9:30am on a Saturday. We arrived at 9:28 so we could secure the all important easy access parking spot and then grabbed a cart and waited in a queue that looked like complete disarray and reminded me of the “Parisian wedge”. I looked around and saw that young and old had gathered for their Saturday morning foray and desire to beat the dreaded Costco crowd.

Now let me tell you, if you’ve never been to a Costco in the suburbs on a Saturday or Sunday, take my word for it and don’t go. The aisles are full of people who’ve come to buy 5 lb mayonnaise jars and sample the chicken salad being offered up, pretending like they were really considering buying the 20 cans of chicken over their trusty ol’ friend: canned tuna. And if that’s not enough, the checkout line gets so long that no matter how much you were looking forward to the 20 muffins you bought or the 5 dozen eggs sitting in your cart, you’re tempted to just run away screaming and buy everything in semi-normal sizes at your local Safeway or Dominick’s.

Coming at 9:30am doesn’t sound so crazy now, does it?

I could see people arriving, with their Starbucks in hand, ready to tackle the shopping adventure that awaited. Some people came alone, others as couples and others even brought their children. At 9:33, when we still stood in the midst of a wedge, I heard a loud pounding. Apparently, one man had gotten so annoyed that Costco was not yet open (an entire 3 minutes behind schedule) that he decided to knock and remind them that there were people waiting.

As the gates began to open, the wedge condensed and people began trying to outmaneuver each other, because surely this had become a race. I saw a woman next to me, clutching her giant 2-pack of mustard, and trying to find some way to beat everyone inside and into the return line. Yes, she was there to return a giant 2-pack of mustard. Maybe she had come to her senses and realized that it would take her an entire lifetime to get through those 2 bottles, or maybe they were defective somehow. A part of me wanted to ask, but the more “rational” part yelled that I must focus on the line and not letting late-comers cut in.

And so, if you’re curious what it’s like to live in the ‘burbs, now you have a lovely picture and a practical suggestion: go to Costco early and you too may find a little bit of entertainment!